Billy Joel once sang "And so it goes.."

Sunday 02/05...4:20 AM.


To CW: Sara Bareilles - Gravity


Something about the Band of Horses sound. Music is life, not all good, some of it bad. Yet, that ability of  each song to carry us back to  an innocent memory. To take you back to a clean slate of pure thought. As I stare out my window, four floors up; I see the moon behind a sketchy grey & black sky, almost breathing. I don't know what it means to be right some times, if at all really.  I just know that life is not lived if you live in regret. Life is not exactly about knowing where you are going, but it is about enjoying where you are because I have realized that for too long I've worried about chasing perfection. But how foolish, I've missed out on love before because I was trying to be perfect. I don't know, i guess it was God's will because it happened; but sometimes as a believer you question your faith; which means you need to speak to God more and renew your spirit. & sometimes it takes believers to tell you that God is love, and that focusing on your perfection's will anchor you down and not be used for God's greatest of glories. It should never be about who you were, throw a bomb at that past and move on, shed your skin and keep your soul.  That's truth.


Some times when you lose a love, your mind races around the same graveled track. You think by running more and more, you'll tear up the pebbles under your feet and hit a new path a place far away from the pain. But that's not how it works, you can ignore love; and try to look up in the sky at night , knowing this world is huge. Yet your heart tells you there's a chance that love is looking right back up to that same sky. But the error is that is your memory, she's looking into another set of eyes. If another person moves on, your chasing a ghost; and you are meant for something more warm & real. Let it be, jump on a different track. Billy Joel once sang "And so it goes.." So leave.


The point is, sorrow and pain can happen when you're living in solitude; but fear and worry are worse than regret and sorrow because it prevents growth for your life. Never do it. Don't live like a ghost or a diary life bur choose to live like a new star...blowing up in new places in the fastest of energies. Don't question your heart, follow it. 


I have never had two months off of anything. From 2004-2009 I worked full-time or went to college full-time. I never sat back and said, what if. What if I don't chase the easy way out, what if I never put my hand in front of my life's bowling ball. What if when I released that ball 8 years ago I pointed it straight in thought but in reality it's completely off it's trajectory. The greatest thing in life is rejection, because rejection causes you to read life's lines, the real ones. It causes you to step away and and enjoy your own solitude to find out who you really are. No longer do you aim for being fake, you aim for being real because realness is what attracts your love, not some temporary lust. What if you die tomorrow, will you be known for settling, for staying, for not doing?  Lust is the void for loneliness, Love is the glue to your life. What if i needed to say, alright God let me take a step back from this momentum and get it in the right direction. Let me face my insecurities and a new place to find out my own vertigo. I think those steps mean getting out of the way of your biases, close-mindedness and living. I dont know how many dates I turned down, how many trips i said no to, how many drinks i didn't take; and all the while I am happy about who I am but what i want to be is more than anything.


The point of this entire rambling is this: shatter your thinking. If you need to take a road trip to the west coast and see the beach do it. If you don't shatter your thinking you're like an artist that doesn't change utensils. There is a reason sharpening a pencil felt so good each time you did it and began to write again. So I challenge any of you to shatter it. Keep your morality, keep your faith, keep your dignity, keep your soul, Keep God, but shatter your walls and find out what you're truly mean to do. We're ticking down everyday to our fate, life's short; if it's money pray for faith to not let monetary reasons stop you from dreaming.


Good luck,


Aaron